


Azalea

by Fretting



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Alternate Universe - No Hope's Peak Academy (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Because I can, Blood, Dramatic, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I hate myself, Im not sure tho, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Saihara Shuichi, Language of Flowers, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Nervous Saihara Shuichi, Not literally, Nothing more nothing less, Oma Kokichi Is a Little Shit, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi-centric, Panic Attacks, SIKE, Sad Saihara Shuichi, Saihara Shuichi-centric, Slow Burn, Slow Updates, Sorry Not Sorry, Soulmates, Tags May Change, What am I doing, a sad soulmate hanahaki au, also some alternatives to hanahaki mentioned later, and other relationships that are briefly mentioned, and they all have their talents, as always, basically really heavy on mental health, dice is a thing, fUCK ME, haha - Freeform, hanahaki, i dont know, i really dont know at this point, i said its nondespair but its hanahaki and hanahaki is despair amirite, i think, i think thats it, impulse updates basically, kind of, mental health, nothing too big tho, of course its angst its hanahaki, okay not everyone, oma not ouma, oumasai, probably, rated for hanahaki and potty mouths, split personality, the killing game never happened btw, uh, um, we all know who im talking about, what else?, when is he not nervous
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-02-27 11:51:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18738460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fretting/pseuds/Fretting
Summary: Saihara was aware of what it felt like to lose someone to the legendary disease, Hanahaki. He feels confident he will never meet his soulmate, thus never inflicting such a despairing disease upon his other half. In fact, Saihara doubted he even had a soulmate. All for the better, right? Unfortunately for everyone, Saihara meets Oma, and quickly discovers that they are soulmates. Oma despises the soulmate system, and they decide to lay of feelings and just become friends. Even more unfortunate, one of the two males fail to keep this agreement.OROmasai AU where if you fall in love with your soulmate but your soulmate doesn't fall in love with you, you contract hanahaki, a fatal disease most commonly known for throwing up flowers.





	1. I Do not Know You,

**Author's Note:**

> All I gotta say is: why the fuck did you think reading this piece of trash is a good idea when the author is also garbage? I feel blessed, thank you so much for even thinking of this story as an option! Looking aside from introductions, I wanted to mention that I use last names mostly, along with honorifics. I originally meant to not add honorifics, but whenever I think of SaiOma, all I can hear is 'Saihara-chan! O-Oma-kun.' because I played the Japanese audio version first. If you're still deliberating whether or not this story is worthy of your time, thank you! I know this isn't much, so for anyone to even /think/ of reading this gives me shivers!

Growing up, Saihara's uncle had repeated the old tale of his soulmate. By the time Saihara was seven, he could recite the story word for word. Despite this, the story gave Saihara large amounts of worry, it was simply terrifying. The thought of your destined other to indirectly killing you caused many out of the scope nightmares. Due his uncles constant warnings, Saihara had grown to simply escape the idea of having a person promised to love him. Recently, the idea of forcing soulmates together had become "inhumane", but for Saihara, it seemed like the best shot to avoid any causalities.

Just before he was going to graduate, a rather revolutionary breakthrough was made. Now, in the case where you would be dying from one-sided love, you could do surgery to get rid of the fatal illness. However, doing so included losing all sorts of emotions, especially all forms of love. So, so many had rebelled, refusing to become a "shell", but Saihara had no sympathy for these people. Why in the world would they choose to die? As if the ongoing pain was one sort of remedy? Saihara was confident may he ever had to choose, he would stay alive by no means. Besides, losing all kind of emotions was simply unrealistic, right? He was sure he would remain himself, despite the agonizingly obvious evidence refuting him at every chance. He was sure his soulmate was dead - or non-existent. Never, truly never, had anything happened to bind him to one and only one person. His uncle had originally been colorblind until he met his now deceased soulmate, And Akamatsu Kaede, his closest friend, had literally started glowing when they touched. Momota Kaito had a timer printed on his wrist, and his parents had a birthmark-esque bruise left where they first touched. One of Saihara's teachers who had been put six feet under her grave, had half a tattoo that one day, whole. Saihara on the other hand? Nothing. No wounds, no aching muscles, no magical thread, no sudden temperature changes. With this, he hurriedly concluded he was fee from a cancerous disease. He could sit in his chair, knowing he had no power to doom anyone to death. While people would wander inside their mind, hoping their soulmate would like the idea of them, Saihara overlooked the concept altogether.

It was all good, until one day, on his shift at Starbucks, his heart had skipped a beat and his entire body just prickled. It was difficult to explain it, but he had gone limp, stumbling to the ground, clutching himself in a trembling hug, trying so desperately to halt the sensations of pins and needles trying to prick his bones. He was somewhat aware of people surrounding him, but his consciousness remained focused at the burning misery in his organs. After what Saihara could swear was hours of pure despair, he could feel a warm hand on his. It was small, and immediately soothed all previous pains. He could feel a sense of relief and satisfactions as he gripped the hand. The hand seemed to wish to hold on as well, and not soon after, Saihara and the owner of the hand had intertwined their fingers, attempting to recover from that intense wave of torture. When Saihara managed to think for himself again, he sat up, rubbing his head. His hand that was currently in someone else's hand was released, and Saihara felt his mood dampen for an unknown reason. A disappointed sight was easily pinpointed from Saihara's right. His calculative eyes swept over a small, frail boy. He was pale and his hair was tinted a weak purple, as were his eyes. His expression was easily one of the most bored and dissatisfied emotions Saihara had seen in a long time. The male was staring into his left hand. With a quick movement, checked his right hand. Right in the middle of his palm was words Saihara could roughly translate to 'painless love'. With a swift look at the unknown male's hand, Saihara' mind clicked. 'This is my soulmate.' Right after, his mind crumbled to nothing but broken pieces of glass.

'This is bad.'

Everything he had worked so hard for just wafted into thin air. The camouflaged truth was left bare and naked, forcing Saihara to admit that he had wanted true love for a long, long time. He had wanted selfless, pure love from a destined partner. Not to mention, the easily accessible emotion of disappointment latched onto his soulmate's face. People were cheering, congratulating them on finding the one in a seven billion, yet Saihara's soulmate looked so irked. He had tried to hide with a cheeky grin, but somehow, Saihara just knew how pissed the stranger--soulmate was about the situation. It left an ever-so-familiar choke of insecurity in Saihara's chest.

"Adios, strangers! Let me bring my soulmate to our honeymoon! C'mon, let's go."

With a firm and unrelenting vice grip, the soulmate took Saihara's hand and gingerly skipped away, waving to strangers he probably had no idea who was. It was not until they had reached a park of solitude that the stranger let go of Saihara. His expression turned solemn, and in all honesty, Saihara was scared.

"I don't believe in the whole 'soulmate' thing. Don't delude yourself to think otherwise."

It stung. It was a like a bee, honesty, Saihara was quickly increasing pain from such a small, tiny thing.

"Uh-um, we don't, ah, have to be in a re-relationship."

Even if Saihara was lying straight through his teeth, he felt a strange obedience towards this small male.

"Man, thanks! I don't do friends, so no talking either. But that's a lie. My name is Oma Kokichi, and I love grape Panta! Be sure to buy me one. I don't like people spending money on me, but that's a lie too!"

Holy, Saihara's head was aching from newfound confusion. Had this person not been his soulmate, Saihara would have pegged the stranger, Oma, as a rude person. However, he felt a mysterious obligation to at least attempt to know Oma.

"I- uh- I'm Saihara Shuichi. Nice-nice to meet you."

With his trademark quiet and timid way of talking, Saihara introduced himself. Had he been his former self, he would hide himself behind a hat, and old habits die hard. He was left fiddling with his uniform. You would thing being a barista and hobby detective for years would improve his social skills, but to no avail. Saihara was awkward and nervous, just like always. His phone suddenly vibrated, and in panic, he fished it up, answering the call from his manager.

"Saihara-san, I heard you found your soulmate! Congratulations! Feel free to take the rest of your shift off. No buts! You'll cover Hinata-san's shift at 11 on Saturday though. Tell us how he is!"

With small and hesitant stammers, Saihara tried to both interrupt and reason with his manager, but there was no way Naegi would allow it. Naegi Komaru had been horrified when she found her soulmate, but in the end, her soulmate and her fell in love. Fukawa and Naegi were such a comical pair living happily ever after, so Naegi was probably really excited to hear about Saihara's soulmate. Saihara, on the other hand, dreaded telling the outcome to his coworkers. The more Oma opened his mouth, the more gruesome Saihara felt.

"I would ask for your number if you weren't so boring, Saihara-chan! You gotta earn it!"

Saihara shifted his weight, not managing to face the smaller boy.

"Oh, well- I-I'm sorry for being boring."

While Saihara had lowered his head, Oma doubled over in laughter, loud and boisterous.

"Man, that one was new! Who apologized when they're insulted? Hahaha, so funny! Also, don't worry, I was lying about you  being boring. Now, give me your phone!"

Complying without much resistance, he handed over a phone with a trembling hand to Oma.

"Oh man, I'm gonna steal your heart with my cute face, but don't worry, I wouldn't even think of dating you!"

'Ouch, that hurt', Saihara thought, gripping the clothes he wore. Had that last comment been necessary to add? Maybe his story would be similar to Naegi? Would Saihara and Oma fall in love and let their soulmate tattoos connect? He hoped so,  but he could not see it happen anytime soon. I any case, they could become friends, but at this rate Saihara could only imagine thinking of Oma as some sort of major pest. Not to mention, Oma had already voiced his beliefs, so Saihara should just move on and continue his life as an unwanted soulmate. Hell, who was he kidding? It would be yet another thing to mull over at the dark hours of the night. Saihara' imagination was cut short with a knife as Oma suddenly tossed his phone, causing him to flail as he barely caught his phone.

"Nice catch," Oma giggled, clearly enjoying the distressed expression Saihara had plastered on. On the screen, accompanied with a picture taken on the spot, was Oma's contact. Oma had named himself 'The Supreme Leader of Panta', which brought the smallest of smiles to Saihara. How childish had Oma must have been to give himself a nickname like that? A childish charm seemed to be permanently glued onto Oma, so was it the case that it was just one of his charms? With a skittish 'bye-bye, Saihara-chan', Oma had swaggered away, leaving Saihara to stare at his tiny frame. The phone in Saihara's hand had vibrated once again, he had received a message from 'The Supreme Leader of Panta'.

 

**The Supreme Leader of Panta**

 

The horseking had officially captured Saihara-chans interest

**[18.29]**

 

 

With the smallest of smiles, Saihara closed the screen, trying to ignore the gaping hole of his soulmate disliking him. He returned back to the shared house, plopping down on his bed, unsure of more and more as time ticked on. This could not be good, could it? Yet Akamatsu and Momota's optimistic attitudes had rubbed off on him, so Saihara decided to think that he had acquired a new friend. The only thing to do now was to not let Oma fall in love with him. If Saihara was to go through Oma suffering and possibly dying of Hanahaki because of him, would be doing exactly what his uncle had warned him against. since Saihara's parents left him under the uncle's care. He had to make sure Oma would not suffer from unrequited love, and so far, it was looking good. As long Oma saw him s less than a lover, it would all be okay. It would be like a soul friend, so to say. It was brilliant, In fact. I f only Saihara knew of the misery waiting him in the future.

That particular misery laying dormant was Oma himself. Oma had no mercy and Saihara's phone, and when Saihara were to help Naegi with opening, the phone kept calling from him, again and again and again and again. When lunch was there for him, Saihara had pulled up his phone to find 17 unread messages. Never had his phone had this many unchecked notifications, but for all of them to be from Oma, or 'The Supreme Leader of Panta', made Saihara wonder if there was some sort of emergency. The thought made him open his messages with nerves pumping through his veins.

 

**The Supreme Leader of Panta**

Good morning Saihara-chan

**[07.43]**

You know, its rude to not great Supreme Leaders of Panta

**[07.57]**

S

**[08.12]**

A

**[08.12]**

I

**[08.12]**

H

**[08.12]**

A

**[08.13]**

R

**[08.13]**

A

**[08.13]**

C

**[08.13]**

H

**[08.13]**

A

**[08.13]**

N

**[08.13]**

!

**[08.14]**

!!

**[08.16]**

Answeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!

**[08.24]**

dont tell me ur dead or sum

**[11.34]**

Oma-kun, is something the matter?

**[12.46]**

Ooo, an answer! Took you long enough

**[12.47]**

You never replied to my 'good morning' greeting. Am I that boring? o(TヘTo)

**[12.48]**

Wait, I didn't mean that. I was working.

**[12.49]**

I know. Anyway, I thought we shouldnt let others know about, you know, the soulmate status quo

**[12.49]**

Alright. Anything else before I eat my lunch?

**[12.50]**

Nishishi, of course! You just gotta join my secret organization of evil! It has over 10 000 members, but Ill let you become my right hand immediately!!

**[12.51]**

I've never heard of an organization that large though.

**[12.52]**

Duh,, its a secret organization! But who knows? I am a liar after all

**[12.53]**

But now that youve heard this much about my organization, guess I gotta kill you now. It was nice knowing you!

**[12.53]**

Wait, you offered that information to me!

**[12.55]**

Oops, yeah, Im such a klutz. Ill let you go

**[12.55]**

ONLY

**[12.55]**

if you beat me in a game!

**[12.56]**

What game?

**[12.57]**

Man, thats such a normal reaction. Youre supposed to beg for mercy!

**[12.58]**

Oh, sorry..

**[12.58]**

But I was lying!

**[12.59]**

Meet me at XX park at Sunday 17.30! Be there or Ill send an assassin after you

**[13.00]**

Consider yourself lucky! I usually go after people like you myself, but ya know

**[13.00]**

Supreme Leaders are very busy, so be grateful I gave you chance to redeem yourself

**[13.01]**

Thanks, I suppose.

**[13.02]**

 

 

Saihara scanned the contents of the device, scratching his head. Whoever his soulmate- oops, his soul _friend_ was, he sure was an enigma. Saihara had never met someone who was a self-proclaimed liar, and kept calling their own lies out, sputtering lie after lie. What was the purpose of that? Saihara's head started throbbing, and it had a good reason to. He put his phone down, starting to gobble on a pastry filled with dark chocolate. He had no sweet tooth, but he preferred the sweeter side of the scale, so dark chocolate was something he fell in love with. It was bitter, yet sweet. It was not sickly sweet, and the large amounts of unhealthy sugar did not poison his mouth. Instead, it left a peaceful aftertaste, allowing him to fully enjoy the treat. His mind wandered to Oma, and the curiosity Saihara held peaked. Had Oma a sweet tooth, or was he someone who disliked desserts? Maybe he had no care for taste at all. It was hard to tell, yet Saihara let himself pointlessly wonder.

"Saihara-san, I heard you met your soulmate?"

Naegi had wandered in, for her own, short lunch, and seen Saihara wandering off to his own world, when remembering the events of yesterday. She was smiling, all supportive and that, but more elated than anything else. Every time a coworker had met their soulmate, Naegi was the first one to force the worked to 'spill the tea'. Her pursues of soulmate romance was intense, and Saihara knew that if he wanted to have any free time at all, he should just tell Naegi what she wanted to know. With a glance cast to the left, Saihara smiled awkwardly.

"Yeah, but we agreed on just becoming friends."

Well, somewhat. Saihara had no idea what Oma's intentions were, if it was befriending him, or just straight down murdering him. He had noticed that Oma tended to say rather barbed words, but when Saihara apologized, he had immediately proclaimed it was a lie. Had he actually meant those opinions, and lied about lying to protect Saihara's dignity and feelings, or was he actually being honest about lying? But maybe he was lying about lying about lying about his opinions, because Oma seemed like the trickster type to complicate things like that? Maybe Oma actually had a rather humane personality hidden beneath layers upon layers of deceit? Saihara's hobby detective brain was working haywire, trying to decipher all of Oma's hidden clues and messages. It had been a while since he had worked his brain this hard, probably back when he got to help his uncle with a few homicide cases. Even then, the answer seemed to come together as soon as he put some real effort into it, but now, no matter how much he thought about it, Oma was still a maze of lies and falsehood. 

"That's a good idea! Getting to know each others before getting together - how responsible! Oh, I wonder what kind of couple you two will be? Hinata-san and Komaeda-san is a strange combination, but it works. Well, Toko and I are also kinda weird. Nanami-san and Tsumiki-san is so cute! My brother, Makoto-kun, and Kirigiri-san, is really responsible, I wonder if you will be like that? Since you and your soulmate wants to get to know each others before rushing into it, I think you will be responsible! I don't know, really, what do you think?"

The uncomfortable smile Saihara wore was getting more and more fixated into place as Naegi kept going on and on about him and his potential relationship with Oma. Admittedly, he had had days where he had wondered the same thing about his then unknown soulmate, but now? What was the point of even bothering to think about it? Not to mention the apparent discontent expression on Oma's face when he had figured it out? It made Saihara want to go back to unhealthy, toxic habits that he had managed to broken with the persistence of his friends'. He just wanted to crawl into a corner and sob for days, and just cry and cry and cry and cry until he passed out. Who could surely want Saihara if his own _soulmate_ cast him away? All of his teenage insecurities were proven to be correct, after all, that his soulmate would absolute _despise_ being connected to him in any way. Hearing Naegi talk of what he really wanted to avoid mentioning made him face a large, large wall of past traumas. He was so unwanted, he should just-

"Sorry, I don't feel so good. I'll come back s-soon." 

Saihara knew that the immediate moment he stumbled over his words, Naegi would attempt to halt his steps, so he immediately lunged for the male bathrooms for the staff. He closed the door and immediately locked himself into one of the two stalls. He sat on the toilet, but not to release anything, but to simply force himself to stay calm. He tried to imagine Akamatsu's beautiful melody ring in his ears, but it failed. With a shaky breath, he tried to will himself not to let tears well up in his eyes, but he could still feel them prick his eyes as he struggled to not let them fall. Regardless of his wishes, they fell, and then more fell, and he had lost count as he felt the trails of tears down his cheeks. He choked on a sob, feeling his heart getting clawed at, his brain slowly but surely turning into mush. In a paranoid thought, he was afraid he was going to get lost in the overpowering emotions and lose himself. He was not thinking logically anymore, he was just crying and crying and crying. In a last attempt to avoid the upcoming, he pulled his phone up from his pocket, his hands way too shaky. He managed to type in the password after a few mistakes, and swiftly opened an offline game he had for no reason except to kill time. He tapped and tapped and tapped, but to no avail, he dropped the phone and wallowed into his emotions. 

What was left of Saihara was a feral, panicked human. His cries and wails were loud as he rocked himself on the toilet, trying so hard to not fall on the ground. He could barely register the door slamming open and someone slamming on the door, causing his sobs to get choked on, but then let out after a few seconds of hyperventilating. Saihara's lungs burned, and the sounds that escaped his mouth was gibberish, yet a cry for help. If someone were to come close, he would screech in terror, and he did exactly that when the lock was forced open. His blurry and unfocused eyes could not recognize who was at the door, but they had left as quick as they came. Saihara wanted to close the door, to shut everyone out, but his arms was staying locked on his knees, trying to protect the internal organs that was being tortured. He could hear the pounding of multiple people walking, and he tried, he really did, to stop his cries. They were replaced by rapid breaths, causing his vision to gain black spots, which left him sobbing again. He could hear, feel, and see people surrounding him, and he fought against them with weak physical protests, genuinely believing he was in danger. Saihara started pulling at his own hair, trying to pull the agony inside his ribs out with his hair, but his arms got restricted as people held him down, letting him be on the contaminated bathroom floor. 

The clock ticked as Saihara's feral cries and self faded into hitched breaths. His eyes dulled from the intense emotions, and his insides were already trying to repair themselves from the imaginary damage inflicted to them. His muscles felt numb, and so did his limbs, and Saihara's eyes were fixated on the white, bright ceiling. He felt the grips on him start to loosen, but he made no move to get up from the floor. He just stayed still, breathing deeply in and out. 

"U-um, Saihara-kun, are you alright?"

The two people who were now standing straight up was Fujisaki Chihiro and Shingetsu Nagisa. Fujisaki was a boy disguised as a girl, who was trying his best to become more manly, but he still stepped inside girl clothes most days. Shingetsu was a teenage boy who was trying to make some easy cash to have as savings. He lived in dorms, but Shingetsu was a responsible teenager that liked to have multiple plans, and he was very logical, but now, he only looked disturbed after witnessing this. Fujisaki was no better, as he was visibly trembling, and tears had yet to be spilled, but was still obviously there in his eyes. Saihara felt too exhausted to even feel sorry for what the two males had just witnessed. With a nod that was difficult for the naked eye to spot, Saihara let his eyes rest back on the ceiling. He was exhausted to the point beyond words, and he knew this feeling well. He was in no condition to work, yet his brain was too tired to actually think about it. 

"Um, Saihara-san, may you stand up, please? We need to escort you home."

He felt two hands helping him up as he, with the pace of a dead snail, got up. Saihara was barely standing, but he managed to drag his feet out back to the lunch room, where Naegi was standing, tapping her feet. She scrambled in front of Saihara, peppering him with questions he had to energy to answer. He just stared at her worried, antsy face, not even listening to her words. After a few minutes of interrogation with no answers, Naegi started to turn quiet, and decided to drive Saihara home. She had said something to Fujisaki and Shingetsu as well, but he had no intention of even attempting to hear what her words were. All noise just flew over his head, and he was lead like a child to Naegi's car. The trails of tears had stained his cheeks and he could feel them whenever he moved, and his eyes were irritated and swollen. Naegi had sat him down, even buckling him in, then sat down at the driver's seat, and started a drive.

"Where do you live, Saihara-san?"

With a wispy mumble, Saihara mentioned his address, and Naegi had to ask him to repeat it due to the low volume used. Saihara had repeated his address, but it was as decipherable as the first time he said it. Naegi had to strain her ears to receive the information, and a silence ensued as she drove. Saihara lived within walking distance, so it only took five minutes to get there. He had heard Naegi attempt to strike a conversation, but he had yet to reply. With droopy eyes, his eyes became blurry as he unfocused his vision, too worn out to actually scan the outside view. They had arrived, and Naegi had persistently gotten Saihara inside the door, and with a worried adieus, she left, probably going back to the workplace to check if everything was okay. Saihara just stepped into his bedroom, crashing down on his bed, taking off his uniform. He threw the uniform somewhere on the ground, just away from him, then pulled the duvets over his body as he closed his eyes. After a short time span, his consciousness slipped away as he fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!


	2. But Heed my Warning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Saihara and Oma meets again, and some friends are introduced to the story.

Sunday slowly rolled by, and Saihara was emotionally spent from all the constant questions that had rained on him. It was from everything that happened at Wednesday, which Saihara had awkwardly evaded. Then, it was about this soulmate. No matter how much he may have clarified that they were _just friends_ , none of Saihara's coworkers seemed to think so. If that was the only problem, then maybe Saihara could have dealt with the excruciating pain in his chest, but the sheer anticipation of getting to see his _soulmate_ was gnawing at him. It was a twisted feeling that went down two paths. For one, he was really curious and excited to see more of the apparent lies Oma had up his sleeve, but on the other hand, Oma had no wishes in wanting him as a soulmate. It left a metallic aftertaste in Saihara's heart. 

After clothing himself in long-sleeved, black clothing, Saihara was ready to meet Oma, despite his constant raging emotions. He took a long look at himself, then at the box of pills in the reflection. He contemplated, before thinking _'to hell with it'_ , and took one and swallowed it with a gulp of water. Saihara sat his hands at the sink, staring at his reflection. He had long, black eyelashes after taking some form of 'lashgrow' or something like that as a teen. His skin was fair, and his eyes were a glowing golden. His hair was a shade lighter than his clothes, but still a justified black, with one strand on top that absolutely refused to stay down. He tried to force himself to calm down and not leave already, as he were going to arrive way too early, but despite this, he kept chewing his bottom lip like bubble gum. 

"It'll be fine. I'll get to know Oma-kun better, what can go wrong?"

Sometime long ago, when Akamatsu and Saihara had just met, Akamatsu had mentioned something about him being a good pep-talker. Later, she had silently added 'not to yourself, though', which could not be closer to the truth. _What can go wrong?_   Dear Saihara, there is so much that can go wrong. Imagine sitting there, and Oma being so bored out of his mind that he just leaves! Imagine sitting there, and a serial killer whips out a machine gun and kills them! Imagine sitting there, having bombers bomb them down with no mercy! But worst of all, imagine sitting there, and having Oma tell you that you are boring, without adding _'it's a lie'_ after. Oma would dish out the truth on a silver platter, but the usually appetizing sight of the truth was nauseating. Saihara would be sitting there, trying to cramp his organs so that his skin could crawl further in. He would be sitting there, Wishing that he had the guts to say no to someone, wishing that he had the mindset to shake off something as irrelevant as someone else's opinion, yet Oma was his soulmate! This was pure agony, letting his mind wander off to paranoid worlds, so Saihara closed his eyes. He took a few deep, steady breaths, and decided to head out, despite being too early. 

Outside, it was not necessarily cold, but definitely not warm either. It was the weather of spring, and Saihara knew that if he stepped out of the shadows, he would find it burning hot. He took a slow, leisurely walk to the park, sitting down at an empty, chilly bench. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, fishing up his phone. It was only 16.48, he would be sitting there for a while. With a deep sigh, Saihara pocketed his phone, and breathed in the air of Japan. He decided to close his eyes, to revel the moment and the peace of his environment. It was peaceful, but there was a nagging feeling in Saihara's limbs. No moment were truly relaxation, he had admitted that a long, long time ago. The pricking nerves was so uncomfortable, Saihara was forced out of his daze to fiddle with his jacket buttons. He swallowed often, and he felt slightly sweaty at his nape. Waiting was gruesome. Had Oma stood him up after all? No, it had only gone four minutes, Oma would probably come a little later than agreed. Saihara only needed to be patient.

So he waited, gnawing on his nails. It was one of many, many bad habits Saihara had, yet he felt no need to end it. His nails and fingers looked horrendous at times, and one time, his uncle bought him one of these nail polishes that tasted like moldy cucumber, but the taste had been no hinder for Saihara to gnaw his nails shorter. His friends had kept calling him out on it, yet he would continue the nanosecond they looked another direction. The action was somewhat calming, and it made him focus on something other than agonizing tension inside of his organs. It made his brain overlook the problem at stake, and create other problems to solve instead of doing something productive. Besides, being a nervous wreck was kind of Saihara's thing. After so long, he felt that this overwhelming anxious lifestyle had start to define him, regardless of what some may say. It was almost like he had not swallowed the drugs before leaving.

Speaking of, it was probably not an outstanding move to leave his place or go to work at all. After Saihara's dramatic episode, he had taken a trip to the doctor, who had prescribed him new medicine. For now, he would lessen the intake of his current pills to make sure the body would not go in complete overdrive from the sudden take of drugs. Therefore, the anxiety thrumming through his veins were so much more magnified and in larger numbers. It felt the earlier days. It felt like Saihara was never going to get better, as he barely taken any steps forward. It felt like he was a hopeless case, it felt like he were impossible to save. It felt like he always loved the mystery, but never the answer. Every negative thought was magnified by hundreds, and it would only get worse before it got better. Saihara would need to inform Naegi and his fellow inhabitants that he would be immobile until his mind and body got used to the change.

His body stilled when Saihara heard friendly chattering that grew closer with every second that passed. His breath hitched as his body did the same, immediately to hide behind the safety of his arms. He wanted to run away, to jump into his bed and go under the covers where he was alone. He wanted to look normal, to not draw attention, and his eyes were wide open. He wanted the safety of his hat, to avoid looking anyone in the eyes. A shaky breath left his lips as he tried to will himself to breathe deeply, but the action came out awkward and his hands started trembling. Calm down, calm down, calm down, repeated like a mantra. It was just some people. Saihara fished up his phone, until his brain had finally managed to register Hinata's defensive voice. 

"Oh, Saihara-kun, I didn't know you were here,"

Hinata Hajime was a normal man. His hair was spiky and brown, and just like Saihara, had that one strand of hair violently sticking up regardless of any courses of action from Hinata. His eyes were olive with a hint of a shade of crimson. His skin was sunkissed and he was reasonably tall, taller than Saihara. Under his chin, on the left side, was a gigantic, horrific scar that still had to fade. He got it when he met Komaeda, his soulmate. Apparently, Komaeda had happened to get captured by a cult, but miraculously get saved because Hinata saw it happen. He had to hold of Komaeda's execution as the police came, and he had gotten the scar in the fight. He had been brought to the hospital not soon after, and Komaeda had decided to pay the bills as thanks as saving him. When Hinata had fiercely stormed up to Komaeda and taken a hold of his wrist, they had begun to glow, and it refused to die down until they had held hands. It sounded like a story from a romantic book, but all the proof Saihara needed to validate it was right there, so it was difficult to refute. 

Hinata was also a really, really emotional man. He had a short temper, and it was easy for him to grow irritated. He was a wonderful baker, and made most of the treats sitting on the display most of the time. He was caring, a little suspicious, yet so trusting at the same time. He found it hard to be sentimental, and he was lowkey obsessed with his soulmate. He was friendly to strangers, but one minus point could send him off as he became a ball of rage with a sharp tongue. They had become close as they worked together, but the start had been somewhat rocky. Hinata had tried his best to remain patient with Saihara's anxious ways, and really pitied him, but in the end, he got so irritated that he lashed out. It had brought a wall between them that took many months to remove, despite Hinata's desperate efforts to apologize. Time had wore it down, and when they got to have a deep talk together, they got closer than ever. Saihara would call Hinata a good friend.

Komaeda Nagito, on the other hand, was eccentric and unique. His skin was pale and his hair was wispy in the same, deathly color. His hair formed a cloud on his head, and he had gray, stormy eyes. He was, accordingly to the couple, exactly one centimeter taller than Hinata, which had been admitted with a defeated grumble. He had notable broad shoulder, and was painstakingly honest, not to mention a little alarming the first time you meet. He, apparently, had a brain tumor which was fatal and impossible to treat which had weakened his social skills and permanently colored his hair the same color as snow. He also had 'luck cycles', which consisted of bad luck, then overwhelmingly good luck immediately following that bad luck. Again, apparently the actual luck cycles had calmed down and lessened considerably after meeting Hinata, as a result of Hinata's split personality, 'Kamukura Izuru'. 

Komaeda was also hard to keep up with. He was worse in the past, so he heard, but Komaeda had a strong tendency to say dark, scarring things with a playful smile on his lips. He was polite to a fault, but also more more self-deprecating than Saihara was, which was quite a wide margin to pass. His breathy way of speaking was something that put Saihara on edge, and the way he always hid the meaning between the lines made Saihara work his brain, which was quite the challenge when he was currently with people. Komaeda and Saihara was acquaintances at best, but both of them had an affinity for books, which warranted some alright conversations about this one, magnificent novel that both had read. Saihara could notice a difference in Komaeda's personality when Hinata was both brought up and physically there. He was so lovesick and obsessed about Hinata that it had Saihara borderline worrying. There was no doubt that Komaeda was completely, absolutely in love with Hinata, and the same could be said for Hinata. In a way they were a good fit together.

Kamukura Izuru was Hinata's other personality. Kamukura had been formed back when Hinata was still in school. Hinata had said himself that he was too mindful about talents and being useful, so he had created an entire personality propped with talents as response to the intense bullying. Kamukura had taken over for a long time, but Hinata had managed to resurface when the body they shared collided with a car. The following procedure of fighting for control had been mind-boggling according to Hinata, but they had managed to settle down with Kamukura coming out when it was necessary. The whole concept of fighting with an identity inside yourself was questionable to Saihara, but it was unfortunately true, and there was nothing to tell him otherwise. Saihara had gotten to speak to Kamukura himself once, and Saihara was instantly dubbed as 'a boring, anxious person'. Hearing Kamukura, with Hinata's face and voice, puzzling part and part of his past with only a few words had caused him to fear the male once. He had also Hinata know to never show Kamukura to him unless it was necessary.

Hinata and Komaeda were walking with hands intertwined, both smiling brightly at Saihara, their eyes clouded with the love they held for their other half. It was that kind of love Saihara had been longing for in secret, a love where they just loved each others, both their flaws and highlights. A love where they were made for each others, and loving every second of it. A love where you could be a better version of yourself with the help of your loved one. A love that was reserved to soulmates only. It reminded Saihara that he would probably never get this love, unless Oma suddenly decided it was okay to date, it was okay to fall in love, it was okay to embrace the soulmate marks stuck in their palms. It reminded Saihara that this love was something not achievable for someone like him, someone who left their soulmate disappointed with the answer. It reminded Saihara that he was unlikely to ever get loved like soulmates. It hurt, but what could he say? It was not like Saihara had fallen in love with Oma. He could complain when he would not become a hypocrite, right?

"O-oh, yeah. My- um, my friend and I decided to meet up, but I'm a little early."

Saihara's meek voice trailed off as he barely glanced in the eyes of Komaeda and Hinata, swiftly letting them rest on the pavement. More than anything else, he hated eye contact, and Hinata had called him out on it before they had gotten to properly talk about their emotions. Since, Hinata had understood why Saihara absolutely refused to look anyone in the eyes, and let him do whatever he felt most comfortable.

"Friend? Which one?"

Both Komaeda and Hinata seemed to be taken aback by the answer, not really getting the gist. Saihara had told Naegi why he sometimes refused an extra shift, which led to Naegi telling Hinata, which led to Hinata telling Komaeda. By the information they had gotten, Saihara's (few) friends seemed to not really like places like these, the silent, forgotten places. Saihara had been forced out the door with his friends to go on karaoke, piano shows, bowling, to work out, but never to a place like this, where silence ensued if you did not fill it. They never went to a place like this, where the wind blew eerily if you sat without talking for too long, where people were nowhere to be seen, but these places were what Saihara liked the most. The lonesome, abandoned places which left an inexplicable feeling in his chest with fresh air filling his lungs. Places where he was alone, where he could do and say whatever without fearing for people's opinion about his choice of words and actions. Where he was as free he could get from his figurative cage of life, where he could sit and just ignore all the problems he had. 

Saihara had a hard time answering the question, so to say. Saihara _never_ made friends, and it was just luck that he managed to become friends with the people he shared a house with. Oma had told him to throw the soulmate title away, and there was no way in frozen hell he would explain the chat they shared, the real 'reason'. There was a lot of things he could say that would sound unbelievable simply because he was Saihara, he did not do small talks and the whole friends shebang excellently, to put it nicely. So, after stumbling on his words, he rushed out that when he had sat down for a cup of coffee alone, a guy had sat down and started talking animatedly to him and then they decided to meet up here.

"Is that safe? What if he's a serial killer?"

Komaeda looked pale(r than he normally does) and he was visibly terrified out of his wits just from hearing the made up story. The idea had Saihara thinking, and got him to pale, which caused Hinata to jab Komaeda in the side while hurriedly denying the idea, but it was kept in the back of Saihara's mind. This _was_ , after all, an isolated park where people were rarely seen - a perfect spot for murder. Oma could had decided Saihara was no way deserving to live as a soulmate, or just someone psychotic that found thrill in murder. Victims were often taken to places like these if the murder was planned and not impromptu to guarantee no witnesses. Not to mention, Komaeda had been kidnapped by a serial killer as a kid, so he should know something about things like that. The mere suggestion of Oma, his soulmate, to be a murderer, a criminal, sent the nastiest wind through Saihara's spine, and his mind was plagued as Komaeda and Hinata hesitantly walked away, telling Saihara to call if anything happened.

Time ticked, and Saihara's fingers were bleeding, but he was too busy worrying if Oma had stood him up. Way to make fool of him, to bitterly make him admit that he was the soulmate the be stuck with ever. There was no need for that! Saihara already knew that he was one of the worst soulmates ever, if not _the_ worst soulmate. It was something he had managed to admit some time ago, that whoever was stuck with him was a poor soul. Not to mention, by the feeling of Saihara's chest, Oma could tell him to jump of a cliff and commit suicide, and he would comply without a question. It was just an obedience Saihara had, like a loyal servant that would refuse to betray their master no matter what. The only difference was that Saihara had no idea who Oma was, and if what he had told yet was true or not. Hell, he could not be sure if the name given was not an alias. 

Saihara's eyes picked up when he heard small, fast steps. They were light, but for some reason, Saihara just knew it was Oma. His organs had rolled around and done cartwheels, but in another way than they usually did. Instead of doing it as if to try to escape the creeping danger, they did in excitement. He could also refer to this as 'butterflies', but it felt, in no way, like butterflies. Whoever said this must have felt something other than what Saihara felt, because Saihara felt his organs just dance around like it was a 90's disco party, with Micheal Jackson blaring from low-quality speakers as they soared around on the glowing dance floor. His organs did a god damn split when Oma's small figure entered his line of vision, Oma's smile persistent and his eyes swimming in a violet ocean of tricks and pranks. He wore a white uniform that was just as eccentric as Oma himself. The buttons varied in colors, but the main color of the ensemble was white. The straps hanging from Oma's legs reminded him of straitjackets, and around Oma's neck was a thin, checkered scarf that finished the uniform off nicely. It was new, original, yet Saihara had a lingering question of _where in the world did he these clothes?_

"You came, Saihara-chan! I'm glad I didn't have to kidnap you!"

Saihara chuckled, the nerves draped around his voice like a coat. It was too obvious, too obvious that Oma could impossibly not have noticed. Oma had even paused, keeping a blank, smiling face on as he scanned Saihara up and down, before commenting with a snarky voice that Saihara was hard to spot due to the 'emo clothes' he wore. Then, he had added that maybe Saihara never wanted to be spotted in the first place, so he could stalk Oma like a creepy person. Saihara had to deny that, but Oma giggled like the imp he was, saying that denial was the first step to admitting it. The conversation had made Saihara lower his shoulders the tiniest bit, too caught up in Oma's wild imagination to even manage to think about anything else. 

"About the game, I thought of a good game to play! It's the Shadow Stepping game!"

"Shadow Stepping game?"

"Yeah! It's a fun game where you try to step on the other's shadow! The loser will be dragged down to hell!"

"N-no, I don't think that will be fun."

"Aww, what about Pole Crossing?"

Saihara was just about to say that it did not sound that bad, but then Oma had swiftly added that it was fifty meters over the ground, and that the pole was electrifying. The next game idea Oma had was simply Rock Paper Scissors. With a suspicious glance, Saihara had given the okay sign, and so they began to play Rock Paper Scissors like the adults they were. The first round it was a tie. The second round, the replay game, was also a tie. The third round was a tie as well, and as they continued to get tie upon tie, both Saihara and Oma got agitated, then simply shocked. Saihara had lost track of time as they played the silly, simple game, getting ties and ties and some more ties. 

"Oh man, I can't believe you managed to escape your death today! But just you wait, the next time we meet, you will definitely lose! Still, that is some crazy coinky-dink."

"There's no way that was a coincidence. We played a hundred times." _Give or take._

"Well yeah! Did you know there's a method to get the same as your opponent? That's a lie. Anyway, byebye, Saihara-chan, see ya later, ya dumb alligator!"

"Ah, O-Oma-kun!"

With a sly smile, Oma had swaggered away once again, leaving Saihara behind to contemplate. He did not die, that is for sure, but had Oma gotten ties on purpose? Yeah, they had played so many times that it was simply impossible for it to be a coincidence, so surely, some kind of trick had to be in play? Maybe Oma said that just to mess with Saihara, as it was as clear as the summer sky that Oma was a trickster, and probably nothing could change that. Maybe, just maybe that had meant that Oma never intended to kill Saihara, but just spending time with Saihara in the way Oma only knew how to? Maybe Saihara was just overthinking this. 

With weak, hesitant steps, Saihara got back home, where he took off his shoes and checked his phone. It was already 20.32, he had really spent a long time at the park. He decided to go inside to put the phone to charge, but he was interrupted when an arm was slung around his shoulders, instantly breaking his balance. 

"Hey, Shuichi! Where were you, we just ate dinner without you, but don't worry, me, the great Momota Kaito, Luminary of the Stars, saved you some of it!"

"Idiot, Akamatsu-san did."

"Harumaki, don't say that! Wait, idiot?"

Watching Momota Kaito and Harukawa Maki interact was one way to make a smile touch Saihara's dainty lips. It was comical, cute, and such a great match. Momota and Harukawa were soulmates, and they both loved each others to the moon and back. Both of them were also his housemates, and Saihara never wanted to replace them for anything. They were both supportive, wonderful friends in their own way. They, and Akamatsu Kaede had been there to lift him up when he was at some really, really low points. 

Momota Kaito was energetic, arrogant, trusting, and eccentric in another way than Oma was. Momota had a constant encouraging smile on his face, and he took challenges left and right, despite not managing to actually complete them. Momota was still going through astronaut training, but was considering quitting to be with Harukawa instead. Momota had a dyed, light purple goatee, and he was so tall, so much taller than Saihara was. He often wore sweatpants with exercise t-shirts, and he kept bothering Harukawa and Saihara to go working out with him, yet he himself always slacked off if Harukawa took the slightest break. 

Harukawa Maki, or 'Harumaki' as Momota nicknamed her, was someone else entirely. She was quiet, introverted, and intimidating. She had long, chocolate locks had she kept in two low rat-tails. Her eyes were stained a wine-color, and she could make grown men tremble in fear with a single snap of her tongue. She was hostile and unpleasant when Saihara first met her, but when they managed to get to know each others more, Harukawa managed to loosen up a little. She was a retired assassin, but she finally got out of the dark business with Saihara's help as a detective, and the orphanage she had supported had been shut down, and the kids were sent to an orphanage where assassin business were, in any way, nearby. Harukawa got to retire, and she was now working at a daycare, despite absolutely despising kids. It probably brought nostalgic memories to Harukawa. Harukawa often wore red tights with a loose jumper, often Momota's too big one for comfort. On occasions, Momota and her had even wore couple's clothes at Momota's order. You would think Harukawa was not one to wear these kinds of clothes, and believe Saihara, she really was not, but she had never managed to be strict with Momota, so they had wore them even in public. 

With a low chuckle at his friends' bickering, Saihara ventured to the kitchen, retrieving the saved dinners from the fridge. He reheated it in the microwave, which had cost him, Akamatsu, Momota, and Harukawa quite the amount, but everyone were happy to not having to go through the tiresome way of using the oven. The only one who had shown no true need for the small machine was Harukawa, due to her past as an assassin, but after a long, long time spent by Momota's side, she had finally began humanizing herself. Momota and Harukawa followed after him, interlacing their fingers with soft smiles on their faces. They were so in love that Saihara, at times, felt so awkward and like a third wheel, which in all honesty, he was.

"But hey, Shuichi, you never answered my question! Where were you?"

Saihara let himself sigh, not entirely sure what to say about that. It was simply complex, at least to have to verbally explain it to Momota. Momota was supportive, yet not precisely the sharpest utensil in the box. If Saihara were to try to correctly word the whole shebang to Momota, Momota would be confused with Oma's actions, and even more so at Saihara's. He would be all about why Saihara never properly claimed his soulmate, nor why Oma would be so against soulmates. He would be muddled at _why in the world_ Oma had threatened to kill Saihara, then said it was a lie. Hell, he might even get angry with his impatient self!

Therefore, Saihara settled with the previous story he had told. If he recalled correctly, Saihara had told Komaeda and Hinata that Oma was someone he met at a cafe and hit him up. They had been talking for a while until they traded numbers. Momota had easily bought it, but was caviling because Saihara never told him about this encounter. Harukawa seemed to be a little more suspicious, but had decided not to push. Saihara was saved from Momota's pathetic whining, and got the food from the microwave, and he had sit down, all ready to devour the meal, all until he received a comment that made him halt his actions.

"Hey mate, what's that on your hand?"

With a defensive move, Saihara swiftly hid the palm of his right hand by holding the utensils he was going to use for eating the food. He had no intention of ever telling them that Oma was, in fact, his soulmate, so he tried desperately to hide the fact. With a nervous smile, he questioned Momota 'what do you mean?', which made Harukawa glare daggers at Saihara. She had, forcefully, taken Saihara's hand and pried the fingers open, revealing the Latin letters typed into his palm. With cheeks warmed in shame, Saihara only gazed away, deciding that the steaming food was more interesting that his friends' expressions would ever be. 

"What is this?"

Saihara simply refused to answer, using his right to remain silent. He seemed to forget that he was not at court, and that with his friends, he had to speak when told to speak.

"Do you want to die?"

"Woah, calm down Harumaki. Still, Shuichi, what is this? You never told us you got a tattoo."

With a futile effort to retract his hand, Saihara just slumped in his seat, defeated. He had to tell, of course he had. How could he ever hide something like this from his friends?

"That's my so-soulmate mark."

The reaction was instant. Both Momota and Harukawa's eyes increased to the size of saucers, both of their jaws slack from the newfound information. After, Momota had shook Saihara's shoulders, demanding more information, while Harukawa stood back, her face downright explaining the current situation to Saihara. If Saihara were to refrain from telling or misinforming them, then he would be tortured in the worst way known to man. With dizzy stammers, Saihara told the two the true story, leaving out some details about Oma's lying shenanigans. That story would be left for another time.

"But why would you not be together? I mean, you're soulmates, so why not?"

"What soulmates aren't together?"

Standing in the living room, was Akamatsu. She wore a trademark kind smile, her eyes shining in curiosity and mellow colors. She wore an innocent, white princess dress, proving she had just performed somewhere. She waved her greetings, but was mostly interested in the conversation, leaving Saihara quietly munching his dinner.

Akamatsu Kaede was a blonde girl. Her hair reached barely past her shoulders, and had a slight curl that was hard to force stay down. She also had a similar bundle of hair on her head that was always there regardless of her tries to force it down. She had orbs shining with royal purple, usually accompanied with gentle and warm emotions. Akamatsu liked sweaters and skirts - the pink ones, to be exact, and was usually seen with this combo. Akamatsu was someone friendly, open, firm, and optimistic. She also had a headstrong leadership ability to make people listen to her words. However, under all of these layers of positive talks and cheers, she was a vulnerable, emotional girl. She was also someone who could break down under intense pressure and wallow in despair as the dark, pessimistic thoughts infected her insides while she tried so hard to remain herself. At times, this other side to Akamatsu resurfaced, but the influence of her friends had let herself stay strong and stop letting herself fall in spirals of doom.

Momota did a horrid job at extracting Saihara's words and retelling them to Akamatsu, so Harukawa took over, giving a simplistic pointer to where the conversation was currently at. With an emphatic smile, Akamatsu pat Saihara's back, as if knowing that he had deep wishes for a loving soulmate. She had most likely caught one of the small, bittersweet tones under Saihara's words when they were talking about Rantaro Amami, Akamatsu's soulmate. They had never actually spoken about it, but Akamatsu were great at reading people, Saihara in particular, and see that he was feeling a little salty, to say the least. Harukawa was not at her female friend's level, but she could still tell that Saihara were hesitant and unwilling to talk about Oma, but Momota was a lost case. He kept rambling and pouring out questions, causing Saihara's misery to deepen little by little.

The females in the room, specifically Akamatsu, probably felt bad for all the questions thrown at Saihara without remorse, and gave him an opening to leave once the plate was empty. Saihara smiled gratefully, almost dropping the plate into the sink, before borderline sprinting to his bedroom for privacy. He collapsed into the bed, and checked his phone, which had two new messages from Oma, and opened them.

 

**The Supreme Leader of Panta**

 

Be at XX cafe at Thursday, 17.30!

**[20.43]**

Dont be late unless you want me to skin you alive! Thats a lie though

**[20.44]**

Oma-kun, I'm sorry, but I work at that time. Could we get another time?

**[21.03]**

Ah man, for real? 

**[21.14]**

I already preordered a table for us

**[21.14]**

Oh

**[21.14]**

I'm sorry. I can pay as apology. I'm free at Friday from 15, if anytime that day is okay?

**[21.16]**

Yay, free food!

**[21.17]**

A-okay, you better be there at 17.30!

**[21.18]**

You promised!

**[21.18]**

If youre not there, I might just kill your closest people, or even kidnap them!

**[21.19]**

Excuse me if I'm wrong, but that's a lie, isn't it?

**[21.20]**

Hahaha, you got me!

**[21.20]**

 

 Saihara smiled, putting the phone to charge. Maybe he could grow to like Oma, after all.


	3. The Existence of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saihara recovers and goes back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never worked as a barista, nor know anyone that has done that, so I apologize if anything is unrealistic. Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoy.

Saihara was an idiot. It was official, Saihara had become the person who was dumber than a dead plant. He was laying in bed, sweating, trying to keep his breath steady. His heart was beating too fast, and the pajamas he wore felt constrictive, as if they were trying to cage him in. He had locked the door after telling Naegi and his friends that he would be wallowing in despair, and he could already feel the exhaustion of the crippling misery. He had a hard time sleeping, and for some reason, he tried really hard to sneak out to get food even though his friends were almost _too_ supportive of him isolating himself. Saihara would whimper in fear and self-indulgent pity from everything and nothing. He could hear the heavy, obnoxious stomps that he was confident was Momota's, and he would hold his breath, afraid to be heard. He would yelp whenever Akamatsu knocked on the door, and hide himself under the sheets, trying so hard to keep his sobs within his body.

Even if all of this made Saihara a coward, this was not the reason he was so painstakingly obtuse. He had agreed to meet Oma again, and that would be before he could even stand on his own two feet without wobbling from the intense emotions swimming through his body. He was constantly typing in an excuse to 'The Supreme Leader of Panta', but he was too worried to even let the sentence be finished. Saihara would, with trembling hands, put the phone away before sprinting to his bed and jolting from the adrenaline in his body. He would hug the covers, attempting to get any sort of comfort at all, but it was no use in even hoping for it. He had pulled some puzzles and mystery things for him to distract himself with, and sometimes it was useful, but other times, it would only let Saihara lose himself in a fit of nerves. He would tear the paper apart, before starting to violently scratch his skin, even causing himself to bleed. He would take two fistfuls of his hair and use all his strength to get them out, and he would crawl into a ball while biting on his fingers since his nails were too short to bite on.

How many times had Saihara repeated the following line in his life? _'I am most likely the worst soulmate'_ , it was such a woeful and desolate quote to repeat, but Saihara found it to be the absolute truth when it came to himself. He had so many cons, yet no pros to balance his personality and self. He was unable to cope with his own problems, and he was just constantly running and running and running away from his problems until he stumbled on the smallest rock of a rude customer, and then he would just cry as his problems caught up to him and ate him alive. He victimized himself too often, and he knew it, but he had no idea how to stop it. Once, he made himself the villain, the one that was blamed for every little wrongdoing in the entire universe, and it went so much worse that his mind shut down before going back to previous habits. Momota had tried to ask Saihara _why exactly he would do that to himself,_ and Saihara had never replied to that. For Saihara's brain, it was either one bad solution or the other. There was no in between, no good choices, no hidden passageways, nothing. It was always one bad or the other. 

Time went by so slowly, but at the same time, Friday came too fast for Saihara. He was drowning in guilt and panic from the scheduled meeting, and he was currently trying to raise his upper body up, but it would only spasm violently from the total overload of pure, cruel anxiety. All he could do was reach for his phone, then send the address of his workplace to Oma, then toss the phone back on the floor, whimpers escaping him as he bit the knuckle of his finger. He started picking on the wounds that would take ages to heal due to Saihara's awful habits, and opened the wounds, causing his skin to emit what they held concealed - blood. However, Saihara felt no need to worry, he just had to make sure it never hit his sheets, and so, he continued to tear the wounds open one by one. It hurt, but Saihara just had to do it. There was no other explanation, Saihara just needed to do this. He had to have something that hurt, something that would bring him fleeting peace, he had to do this, or else he would lose his sanity.

The organs in his body, his heart and lungs specifically, was crumpling together. Saihara felt like his organs were trying to fold themselves as small as possible, as kids did with paper to pass time in class. He felt like his insides were convulsing, that he had not enough space in his ribs for his organs to breathe comfortably. He felt like his organs were making a hole in the middle of themselves, then widen it in a snail's pace. He felt like his insides were trying to harm themselves in any way possible, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He had felt this emotion so, so many times, yet he never found a proper solution to the mystery. It was as if he were given an unsolvable case, then get mocked for not solving it. It was as if any upper figure, God or whatever, had sadistic tendencies, and Saihara was their current target. He felt like he was doomed to never be able to live a normal, decent life, to only get cast away by his soulmate, and to be suffering every second of his life. 

Simply put, Saihara found his life to be unbearable.

His friend knew so at well. They would knock on his door, and he would open the smallest creak so that he could take the bottle of water and the pill, and they got to see just how this much this was affecting Saihara. They would see his golden orbs dulled down, only sparking with intense, hysterical lakes of human resources. They would see his wounds, his clothes stained with blood, the dried spots of Saihara's life force on the exposed skin. They could see the way his cheeks had sunken in from lack of nutrition and excitement. They could see their friend rot away from something cruel that only existed on Saihara's feeble brain. Momota would look worried and down, while his girlfriend would try to bury the rue in her crimson eyes. Akamatsu would just have tears stinging in her eyes, hugging herself while knowing that there was nothing more she could do than leaving Saihara on his own in his own space. After whoever was there had confirmed he had taken the pill, they would leave, and the door would be locked again, effectively barricading himself from the world, from his past failures.

Although, all things come to an end, and so did Saihara's long episode of despair. Eventually, the medicines he was on started to kick into his body, and though it took an entire month, he was finally doing better. He was a long stretch away from being 'fine', 'alright', or even 'okay', but he was doing better. He managed to get out and eat with his friends, he managed to keep himself clean, and he managed to stop the most toxic habits. His phone had been taken away to help Saihara after the Oma incident, and he had finally gotten it back when he managed to refute his friends' fretful statements, and he was going to get ready to continue to work. He started cleaning his room, started being a human again now that he got medicines that worked. He charged his phone to the max before opening the screen, and immediately losing the color of life in his face.

He had one notification from 'The Supreme Leader of Panta', and it was a message sent a week ago. Other than that, he had in total four missed calls from his uncle, two messages from Akamatsu, one from Harukawa, and nine from Momota. Hinata and Naegi had called two times each, and he had many emails and other notifications to open. He first cleared the notifications from any games, social medias, and the like, before going over to his contacts. He had four voicemails to open from his uncle, and one from both Hinata and Naegi. He opened the voicemails from his uncle, before calling to ensure the elder that his niece is doing better now. He called Naegi after listening to her ramblings on the voicemail, and it picked up after ringing exactly four times. She had yelled 'Saihara-san' into his ear, then started babbling about get-well-wishes, her own worries, the coworkers' worries, then to the the fight she had with Fukawa. Apparently, Fukawa envied Saihara because Naegi was constantly thinking about his well-being, and that had gotten on her soulmate's nerves. Saihara had chuckled sincerely, the two of them were such a comedic pair of soulmates.

After hesitating a little, Saihara called Hinata. The reason for his trepidation was because of the voicemail left behind for him to open. Hinata had wished him well and requested to be called as soon as possible, and there could be heard mutters from his soulmate in the background. All of a sudden, something had happened for the phone to fall to the ground, and Saihara had to end the voicemails when he started to hear moans of love and pleasure. He was a little reluctant to call Hinata, but in the end, he pressed the call button, and Hinata picked up so quickly Saihara had to suck in a sharp breath of shock. He was showered in scoldings and nagging from Hinata, and after a full five minutes of Hinata going all out mother on Saihara, he could pick up Komaeda's voice on the other side of the line.

**[I'm talking to Saihara, he says he's doing better. Saihara, you're on speaker, Komaeda is asking about you!]**

_"O-Oh, hi, Komaeda-kun. Is there anything wrong?"_

**[Of course not! I was just wondering if you listened to the whole voi-]**

Saihara could clearly hear the shouts of protest from Hinata and the mini-wrestle they must of have had, and Komaeda had tried to continue his sentence when Hinata had swiped the phone away. 

_"Are you two o-okay?"_

**[Y-Yes! Anyway, I'll see you soon! Get better and don't forget to brush your teeth at least twice everyday and also shower once a day. Remember to eat enough-]**

Then Saihara was suddenly hung up on, and his imagination got the best of him. Blood rushed to his ears and neck as he forced himself to allow Hinata to keep his dignity, and he had to take a small breather before continuing. Komaeda and Hinata sure loved each others.

And finally, there was the message from Oma. Saihara was truly frightened to open it, scared of what his soulmate's reaction would be. Surely, Oma would be absolutely exasperated that his soulmate had just gone ahead and stood him up. Saihara knew he would be extremely crestfallen, and for him to be the cause of someone else's pain was just miserable. This was also where Saihara had to find out if Oma's lies were actually just small, innocent lies, or the actual truth. After nervously biting on his battered fingers, he decided to finally open the message.

 

**The Supreme Leader of Panta**

 

 

 Saihara-chaaaaaaan, why didnt you tell me that you wouldnt come?! Now i gotta kidnap all of your loved ones (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

**[19.54]**

I'm sorry for the late answer, Oma-kun. Is there any way I can make it up to you?

**[13.23]**

I'll do anything.

**[13.25]**

Reallyyyy? Anything in the whole world?

**[13.53]**

Yes, anything in the whole world.

**[13.54]**

Then you gotta join my evil organization! You promised!

**[13.54]**

..Anything in the whole world except for joining your evil organization.

**[13.56]**

Aw man, i hoped you would take the bait

**[13.57]**

Too bad. If you're still willing to talk to me, I can bring a bottle of Panta?

**[13.58]**

Grape? Three of them? I never say no to that!

**[13.58]**

I

**[13.58]**

Okay..

**[13.59]**

 

 

Saihara put his phone away from his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose. In all honesty, he was at large to what to feel. Something in him was deeply exasperated by Oma's devilish ways, but there was also a relieved part in him. Was it the soulmate bond that made Saihara feel so optimistic? It was truly camouflaged for Saihara's eyes, but he desperately wanted to believe that Oma had tried to make him feel a tiny bit better. He was desperate for any form of loving affection from a soulmate, especially when he had gotten a lack of it his entire childhood. He wanted the idyllic, diabetic soulmate love that was supposed to make him feel like he was bursting with warmth and love. Therefore, he grasped tightly onto every sign of affection into Oma's words and tone, hoping desperately for it to become true one day. Saihara was so confident he could fall in love, so all Oma had to do was to fall in love too. 

The thought made him halt in his movements, as his mind slowed down and geared. _That was all Oma had to do?_ Everyone who knew Saihara knew that he had his quirks, and that it took some patience to be able to become close with him. It was as if he had to solve a murder case, where the victim was a newly acquainted classmate, and the culprit was his best friend. It was a huge hurdle to pass, but was it even passable? Was not Saihara just locked inside a cage, where no one could get in, nor he could get out? Was it not that the key had fallen into the hands of his soulmate, but was unsure where the key opened due to the numerical locks? Maybe Saihara was just a hopeless case, where no one could love him. After all, when he had tried his best, it had not been returned. Was it that Saihara was a true case of pure despair, where no hope was in sight? Saihara was not just in a tunnel - he was underground with no exit nor entrance. He was alone, as he would ever be. 

Clenching his hands at the long-sleeved clothes he wore, Saihara felt himself lose his strength. His knees buckled, and he was reminded of just how pathetic he was. Saihara felt on the cold ground, his trembling hands trying to pluck at the covered wounds. When it horribly failed, he put his middle finger and started chewing on the knuckle. It was causing indents to appear on his hands, and it was agonizing, but not nearly as much as his head currently  was. He made sure to position his knuckle at his sharpest tooth and bit down harshly, feeling pints of metallic tastes on his tongue. However, before he could ruin himself any more, his arm was taken in a harsh hold and he was lifted upwards, but even so, his knees failed to bear their own weight, and was just dragged like a rag doll. His blurry eyes could catch the sight of Momota, who was grinning, telling him to get up and get ready to eat lunch.

Was that not correct? He had friends he could rely on. He had Momota, Akamatsu, and Harukawa, who all supported him endlessly. They were able to dig small holes into the hole Saihara was caged in, and showed him what the light looked like. They reached out a hand, before taking it back up, then continuing digging to fit a ladder down to Saihara. It made him feel like he was actually worth saving, that he was actually someone worthwhile. In the end, it was not he that had dug this hole for him, then locked him in by closing the hole. Maybe it was just unfortunate, that Saihara had bad luck with childhood memories, because he knew that happened. The prime example was Harukawa, and she had gotten out of her hole with the help of Momota and Saihara himself. This never meant that Harukawa was not someone worth spending time with, someone that it is okay to bother with. Therefore, would it be okay to imagine himself as Harukawa, as an innocent victim brought into the darkest places?

Maybe it was. Maybe it was not. For now, Saihara tried to forcefully push these thoughts away as his friends surrounded him with smiles of hope and glee, and he let himself bask in the peaceful atmosphere his friends created for him. 

 

* * *

 

 

With a deep breath to steady his nerves, Saihara opened the doors to his workplace. He was on morning shift for the first time in over a month, as the last week was spent getting adjusted to the prescriptions, and to heal his wounds. It was early, and he were to open with Hinata, who had to ready the treats standing on display. Of course, Naegi would accompany them the first few hours to make sure everything went well, then leave. However, it was daunting, and Saihara was not looking forward to seeing the expressions of the coworkers he abandoned after making a fuss. Naegi had managed to calm her gossiping self and give Saihara the space to tell his problems himself, so the coworkers had gotten minimal information. Gratefully, Hinata could probably guess what had happened, and Naegi had been well informed during the week Saihara gathered the confidence to leave the complex.

When Saihara entered, he was greeted with the heavy sound of Naegi's clumsy stumbling, before he received a frantic, but friendly wave and smile. With more grace than previously, Naegi welcomed him in, allowing Saihara to greet Hinata, who was decorating some cupcakes, who gave a supportive smile before continuing focusing on his work. Naegi puffed up the leather chair in the rest room, the one that were namely the best to sit on, and was first come, first served. Naegi made emphasis to sit in the couch next to the chair, but was extra sure to not sit as close to Saihara as possible. That was surprisingly considerate, as Naegi was not the sharpest utensil in the box, and it warmed Saihara's wounded but healing heart. 

"Saihara-san, if there's anything I can do to help you, just tell me! If you ever need time off because of something like- _that-"_ , Naegi's expression fell as she refused to put a word on Saihara's childish tendencies. "I'm willing to do anything! Well, anything that's possible. I don't think you're like Toko, but please don't ask me to do stuff like-"

Suddenly, Naegi halted her words and flushed, her eyes wide and open. She put her hands up in front of her, as if to defend herself from an accusation, then used them to hide her face instead. Saihara was just silently watching this, knowing the routine very well. In fact, everyone that worked there knew what would happen. Naegi would start talking then accidentally mention something potentially embarrassing or even sexual, and then she would fall into her own world until she managed to force herself away from whatever flashback she was having. In fact, it happened so often, it was questionable if Naegi ever learned from her mistakes. However, from the four times Saihara had met Fukawa, his boss' soulmate, it seemed that she was no better. In fact, it was a match made in heaven. Hidden in Saihara's secured closed, was the vomit-green envy growing, and he hated himself for it. He just had to get to know Oma more, then he would fall in love and be as lovesick as all the other soulmate couples surrounding his daily life. Well, in worst case, Saihara and Oma would remain friends if it was deemed impossible to fall in love with Saihara (which he already knew, but he wanted to be positive).

"An-anyway! If there's anything I can do to help you, I'm more than willing to try! Please let me help you, Saihara-san!"

Naegi had managed to leave her short daydream, and immediately got dedicated constellations in her eyes, and Saihara could _feel_ the intense wish to help him. It was overwhelming, but it made a ghost of a smile appear on his lips. Naegi probably did not notice it, as she was, as mentioned before, not the brightest crayon in the box. Saihara fiddled with his sleeve, looking at his lap as he checked all the options he had, before finally speaking up with a small and meek tone.

"I-I, there's things that is- well, unavoidable. I- I would like it if we didn't talk about soulmates that much. I'm- other than that, I don't think there's a lot you need to be careful of. I'll make sure to tell you if there's anything I can think of,"

The second sentence was just a silent mumble, and in all honesty, Naegi did not hear what Saihara said. However, she felt too bad to ask him to repeat it when it had been such a challenge to say it in the first place, so she settled with being sure that every topic she brought up was something Saihara was comfortable with. She was confident it was going to work, it was such an ingenious plan! She should talk about her good plan to Fukawa later on, to brag about her wits.

"Excuse me, I need start my shift, Naegi-san,"

With a anxiety-ridden expression, Saihara more or less sprinted away and went to the changing rooms to get his uniform on. His heart was racing against his breath, and he had to put effort into calming himself. He did well, he know he did, but it still pushed his limits. Saihara had hoped to never need to inform anyone at work about his persistent inner fist fight, yet he had to go ahead and do something unnecessary. He tried to comfort himself with the fact that Hinata was the only other coworker here, and he was painstakingly aware of Saihara's condition. Hinata knew how to thread cautiously, and he definitely knew what _not_ to do. Well, before that, Hinata was dedicated to his job, so it had to be an awfully slow day if they were to get a proper conversation other than a small jest in between every rude customer. 

With a better, but still jittery heart, Saihara stepped out of the changing rooms and brought a mop and started cleaning the floor. Both Hinata and Saihara was working in silence, utterly focused on their job, until Hinata finally spoke up.

"Have you been taking care of yourself? I'm also sorry for hanging up on you the other day. Nagito just hung up before I was able to say my goodbyes,"

"No, I figured something like that had happened," _and some more details thanks to a creative mind he never asked for,_ "but yes, I have. My friends helped me a lot, so it's all thanks to them."

Saihara smiled to himself, cleaning the tables as he thought back on everything his friends put up with for him. It was such a mystery how he was able to land such wondrous friends. He wished them all the best, grateful for the help they continuously gave him. 

"Oh, speaking of friends, what happened to the, uh, flirt?"

"We had a nice time, actually. He also forgave me for not coming the next time we planned to meet up."

"So he's actually a nice guy? That's good to hear. I was a little worried he was, y'know,"

"Yeah, I was too. He's- well, he has good intentions,"

"That's nice,"

The conversation died out as they continued their work. Saihara was left in his own world, thinking of Oma. It was humorous to think back to what Saihara had said about his ~~short~~ soulmate. Without details, then yeah, maybe it was how it looked like, but if Saihara was not someone to analyze all the words anyone ever said to him, he would definitely not be able to say that. Oma had forced Saihara to promise to buy him more carbonated drinks than planned, and he had definitely used a few tactics he knew most would get tremendously vexed by. In all honesty, it was understandable, as Oma really had a way to just genuinely get on everyone's nerves. However, Saihara was patient, even more so because Oma was his soulmate, and he wanted to see if, one day, Oma could lay his lies aside and speak honestly with Saihara. In another way, Saihara also wanted to figure out each and every single thing that Oma lies about, to test himself and his brain to see if he still has the abilities of a detective-in-training. 

Without further ado, they opened the shop, and Hinata was working as cashier while Saihara helped elsewhere, a kind move by Naegi. The mornings always progressed slowly, with the rush hour around 7 and 8 being exempted. It was calm and peaceful, to just receive up to five orders at once to deal with. Luckily, he would leave before everyone left work and school, and he always felt bad for whoever was to take over at that time. Once, he had tried to get the rush hour shift, but Hinata had advised him not to. His firm and headstrong words had left Saihara to chicken out, so he always made sure to only take morning or evening shifts. Naegi, by now, would probably also do her best to help with that. Well, if she was able to understand where his struggles was, that is, which was very doubtful. 

Around an hour left of Saihara's shift, a small figure the doors. It was empty, so Saihara was free to see who it was. It was Oma, his soulmate, who was now wearing westernized clothes consisting of a white turtleneck and brightly colored jeans. His dark, nearly wine-colored hair was pulled into a small ponytail, with various locks refusing to join their comrades in the bundle of hair. Oma had also made sure to wear a set of fake glasses, the black, thick rims missing lenses. He also wore a bright grin. 

"Saihara-chaaan, I visited you at work!"

"O-Oma-kun? What are you doing here?"

"I'm just doing my job as a soulmate, that's all!"

"Somehow, I don't believe that,"

Oma burst out laughing, and Saihara could feel the confused stare of Hinata's eyes drilling into his head, but he chose to overlook it for now. 

"You got me! I wanted to tell you to meet me at that restaurant soon. You promised to buy food for me, but you didn't! Saihara-chan, you're so cruel!"

Crocodile tears fell from Oma's eyes at the speed of a jet, but Saihara knew better than be fooled by them this time. He did, however, feel guilty that he did not meet up at the restaurant as he promised.

"I-I'm sorry. I can get you Panta when I get off work,"

"You better do it, or else I might slip and kill your _real_ soulmate!"

Yeah, this was why Saihara did not feel like explaining the enigma that was Oma. He would have a lovely time Hinata explaining just what in the world happened later when Oma left. Speaking of Hinata, he cleared his throat to gain attention, and plastered on his working smile to attempt to hide his perplexity (it did not work very well). 

"Sir, is there anything you wish to order?"

Oma hummed, and looked up at the menu stationed above them. Saihara could _feel_ Hinata's deadpan as Oma continued humming and scanning the menu.

"I want a cake! A strawberry shortcake! Saihara-chaaaan, my sweet soulmate, will you pay for me?"

"M-me?" Saihara jumped, not ready for that either. "I'm sorry, b-but don't you think three bottles of Panta is enough?"

Oma's eyes teared up, and Hinata was clearly exasperated with Oma. 

"W-w-w-what? D-does Saihara-chan h-h-hate me now?"

Oma started wailing loudly, constantly declaring 'I'm so sad, I'm so sad', and the racket was clearly bothering Hinata. 

After a good 10 minutes, Oma finally quit his devilish antics and bought his piece of cake and left, leaving Hinata and Saihara in silence as customers begun to file in one after another. Fortunately, Saihara's shift ended before Hinata could ask any questions, and he was forever grateful to the customers for keeping his friend and coworker busy. With swift yet hesitant feet, he left the shop and headed back home.

Oma was a whole lot of trouble, was he not?

 


End file.
